Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
