My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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