one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
