Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
