are you so shy because you have an std?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize