i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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