i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
