When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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