I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
