Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
