Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
