i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
