I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
