Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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