His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
