hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
