You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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