I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
