wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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