The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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