in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
