He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
