If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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