there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
