That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize