So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
