He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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