um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
