I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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