Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
