Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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