So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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