I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
