I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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