think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
