ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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