I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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