I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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