did you get engaged???
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
