I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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