do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
