I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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