I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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