At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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