loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
