I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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