I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
