I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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