I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
