She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
