They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
