i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
