All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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