dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
