you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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