they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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