RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
