I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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