Just cropdusted the office
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
