You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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