i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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