she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
