how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
