I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
