Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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