this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
