i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
