dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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