call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
