Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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