I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
did i just pee glitter
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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