someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
