I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
