Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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