Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
