Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
