Is it normal to miss your booty call?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
